i just wrote a whole bunch of stuff and deleted it on purpose because it was all pointless. every day a few times a day i get so dizzy its like the world is moving around me and i feel like im falling. its so hard to explain. i just told my mom, she thinks i should get checked out. :( anyway im watching mtv with my mom right now, real world/road rules challenge. im bored. i went grocery shopping for her today, i got canollis. they are mini and 2 have chocolate chips. probably the highlite of my day. my kitties are so cute. i speak french to them. i have no idea why, it just happens. i chilled with mr mafera earlier. we drove for awhile and just talked. he rules. im flying on monday and im absolutely terrified. i dreamt i saw a plane crash last nite, but what else is new. and it's not the terrorism im afraid of, its mechanical problems. im a veteran of flying and ive always been scared. in the year 2000 alone i flew 10 times and every time i thought was going to be my last time. its worse because most of the time i fly alone, i have noone i can talk to, to release my anxiety. i just remembered i wrote a journal entry about it while i was on the plane once flying home from tyler's(my boyfriend at the time)....March 2000 "im soooo scared and there's no turning back. i jump at the slightest bump. i look out the window and all i see are clouds. i can not have control and it frightens me. i have noone to talk to so my fear is hurting inside. i can not stand these moments of sheer terror. we are bumping again. im crying and praying. everyone else seems so calm; i feel alone, isolated. oh my god im so scared-turbulence again-will this ever end? :*( i see another plane in the distance...we finally made it through the mass of clouds which seemed to last for miles-yet we are STILL jerking a bit. im so scared. im trying to say my thoughts on paper. sorry they are so unorganized. im even too nervous to listen to a cd. i wish i was calm." yeah my sediments exactly. wish me luck everyone, i need it.