i thought i was doing ok but i guess im not. i am a good actress. i should be a famous actress that's how good i am. wait....my mom is being so mean to me. she says if i dont go to a psychologist she wont help me pay rent. i hate psychologists. noone can change how i think. excuse me for being depressed these pass few days. its not like she even cares. i was supposed to do work today, didnt. all i do now is cry and stare blankly at things. today i was at a diner, sitting at the counter...i must have looked pretty bad because the chef came over and asked if i was alright. ofcourse i did a pretend smile and said im fine. too bad i couldnt tell him the truth. no sir, everything is not alright. everything is the worst. :*****( ive given up hope. theres no point in holding on. it's over and that is freakin that. why should i lie to myself or have others tell me otherwise just to make me feel better for a mere few seconds. im tired of all this. and its only just begun. i hate how matters of the heart withstand every other emotion or thing that happens. i wanna go to sleep and either a)wake up to this being all a dream, b)have the best dream ever and have it come true or c)never fucking wake up ever. i choose c