another day. i can't begin to describe what im feeling right now. i can hardly read the screen, its all blurry from the tears falling. my cat is looking at me because im so loud and keeping her awake. i havent cried since i talked to dante last nite. i guess crying for 3 hours straight cried me out. im back in full force now-non stop tears and bawling. i dont know what to do. i had a horrible nite. i went to bed at like 1am but i must have slept about 2 hours maximum. i layed there, thinking-which is the the worst. i would think about anything. and i would have songs in my head, that described exactly how i feel. im probably going to be writing in this all day. i am crying so hard right now i sound like a friggin lunatic. i look like complete crap too. i feel like im going to throw up also. i just feel so lost and empty. the whole city of boston reminds me of us. i have no idea how im going to be able to handle going there. everything reminds me of him. i kept thinking of all these awesome times we had when i was in bed last nite. it made me even sadder. he told me not to think about it, but how can i not. i must have been in shock last nite. today it is really hitting me. i have lost the most important, special, beautiful, amazing person in the world-my world. and it will never be the same again. i miss him so much, this is going to be so hard. i cant believe im not going to see him for such a long time, and when and if i ever do, we will not be together. noone including myself ever thought this would happen. is it really better to have loved and lost to have never loved at all? i dont really know the answer to this. i wonder what he's thinking, doing. i am angry this happened to me again-but i can not be angry at him. i want to be soooooooo bad. but it's not his fault. you can't control what you think. he's such an incredible person. and he's not mine. nomore. more later :*********************(