Sunday, Nov. 18, 2001 - 1:53 a.m.

i thought that as the day progressed i might feel better, usually when im sad or something it just takes me getting busy with some sort of activity to make me feel better. it didnt work. i was fake, all day. every smile i made, was fake. not real. i want, i need to feel better. someone please help. everything is going downhill and it's all happening so fast. i dont know what to do. i dont know what to doooooooooooooo :*( i cant stand myself and i hate every single aspect of my life right now. i want to be someone else or somewhere else. man, i cant sleep at all....i talked to a few people today about how i feel, i just feel like im bothering people. damnit. damn everything. im crying right now, theres noone to dry my tears...

3:21am-2 people, 2 kind and great people....have dried my tears. thank you so much dan and bill.