i can't sleep. it's 8am on a saturday morning. true, i'm working in a little bit, but it would have been nice to get a good amount of sleep last nite. ofcourse that didn't happen. for the first time in a long time, i can safely say that i am depressed. my entries are usually somewhat happy, but i can't even smile right now. i feel lost......and like my world is slowly deteriorating around me. EVERYTHING. it sux how i can't write exactly everything about how i feel, because people read this and will probably get offended or something. i hate how i feel. i cried so much last nite in my bed...noone could hear me ofcourse. i feel like i have noone. home, in bed, on a friday nite at 930pm, crying my eyes out. im such a winner. i just feel so unloved it isnt even funny. i dont know what the heck is gonna fix this. i have no motivation for anything at all. i could care less now about moving, finding a job, school, friends, etc. i wish i could do what this kid i know did. he like stayed in his house for 3 months. didn't hang out or anything, at this point in my life i'm sure that'd be easier than harder to do. alot of the times in their diaries people write about how they are sad or depressed. i used to read stuff like that and not be able to understand or relate to how they feel. well, i definitely can now. <333's to anyone who feels or has felt this way. im sure we all have at one point or many points. now i have to go through my last day at post road carpet. that's gonna suck majorly. i dont wanna say goodbye to those guys, my mom told me not to, just to say like see you around...i do plan on visiting them though. they mean so much to me. it's like i have 5 extra dad's, big brother's, or uncles or something. ahhh we'll see........ :( my eyes have tears in them right now. will this ever get better? im sure it will. it has to. im just finding it so hard to even smile anymore. i dont want sympathy, i dont know what the heck i want. something to turn my frown upside down, who knows what that is though. :******(