Tuesday, Aug. 28, 2001 - 11:20 a.m.

less than 6 hours left til some freedom. i feel like im trapped when im in here...well when the mean man is in here. he makes me feel uneasy and i hate it! only a few more hours of dealing with him. my stomach is hungryyyyyyyyyyyyyy! i wonder what ill get for lunch today????? salad?? soup?? both?? time will only tell. i love eating. did i ever mention that in my diary before? ha. i went out to eat with my dad last nite and my waitress was like wow you like to eat healthy that's great haha. i think its cos i ordered brocolli. hey, its what i like. i have yet to tell the owner of this place(who is really nice) that im done working during the week here. i just get nervous when it comes to stuff like that-i get all shy. oh god he's near-the scary evil man. does he even notice me? he's talking to someone else. ahh it makes me sick. his presence. the only reason why im gonna work saturday if they let me is cos he's not here on those days! gosh he just left the area i feel alot better. he doesnt intimidate me at all its just that he's scary!!!!! i can't explain it. ok. hes away from me now but when he comes lurking back ill cringe as usual. my mom dyed my hair last nite. dark red. well i think its kinda briter than i thought it would be. but i like it. someone at my work said its pinky, someone said red, someone said mangenta. maybe its cos im wearing a pink shirt who knows. i look semi-normal. i got nice clothes for my new job last nite. i start there two weeks from today. noones iming me. i think this kid is mad at me. i think he sent me an email saying he's mad at me for telling my friend something he said. it wasn't a big deal but like im not gonna open the email from him whether he's mad or not. it could go either way. but ill just let it sit in my new mail because thats just the way i am. if i sense any sort of conflict that involves me a i shun it away for as long as possible. i hate it. i like to get along with everyone as much as i can but if something arrises i stay away. i need to be more aggressive i guess. who knows. all i know is when someones mad at me i never confront them. its a really bad quality. if it werent for actions of others in the past i may have lost many people....i guess i should put myself in their shoes. i havent really met anyone like me in that sense before though. im sure theyre out there....like for instance selen. she stopped talking to me a long while ago for some lame reason and now doesnt talk to me. but its not like im going to im her cos thats just not the way i am. maybe she hates me forever but i seriously doubt it. i dont think shes like me though in the fact she wont be the first one to make the move. i didnt do anything wrong though. i dont have to explain myself. it saddens me. it is half my fault though, for not approaching her. see, im learning my own lesson. i could go on but i feel sick. freakin menstrual cramps on the 4th day. yeah that makes alot of sense!!!!!!! damn i wish they would give me something to do. anything! to make the time go by and to make me look busy. im just scared some day he's gonna seriously blow up at me for doing nothing. well theres not many days left for that.....who knows. maybe he just doesnt care. whatever. he's an ass and im gonna leave it at that. enough said yo! people here said i looked nice today. that was nice :) only 2 hours til i go to get lunch. til then its ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!